Crisis alert -- the butt of the joke

I worry about the state of the male buttock. Something is destroying the buttock of the Italian man -- they seem to have NONE. Where have they gone? Where firm, pert cheeks ought reside under the fabric, there seems only to be saggy gappy nothing. After much study, visual research and critical debate, K and I have determined the Italian male buttock to be in significant decline -- perhaps nearing extinction.  It is very sad.  If you are like us (and I know many of you are) then you will commisserate with us on this sad state.  I believe the key problem is the current and unfortuate style of pant -- the low riding blue jean, with narrow vertical pockets that begin halfway down the cheek.  Baggy and nasty in my esteem. What to do?

Speaking of male body parts, the frontal genitalia seem to have quite the story to tell in renaissance art -- both in frescoes and statuary. On statues  we notice the male form to be extremely well built - chest, thigh, bicep, calf, abdomen -- regulary depicted as young, well formed and to be admired.  Aha, but the male genitalia on the statues -- not so much -- not really in proportion with the rest of the form? Why?  Apparently it was not considered 'couth' to provide the statue with a proportionate or even realistic 'package'. So they are all rather poorly, (read pathetically) endowed (read hung).  If only the artists and their handsome models had known that, centuries into the future, women and men of the modern world would look upon them with sadness and pity for their rather insignificant family jewels.  So sad.  And now, the baggy ass pants that hide the buttocks of the modern Italian male.

And in the art? Frescoes of the judgment and descent into heaven or hell clearly indicate whether or not a man would be heaven or hell bound. Those headed up to their reward sport realistic and normal-sized genitalia.  However, those headed for eternal damnation, like the monsters awaiting them, are cursed with the 'pencil-dick' as K has cleverly dubbed them.  Long, skinny and nasty paraphernalia they are, too.  Keep them  devil dicks away from us nice girls.

We will continue in our relentless search for a decent buttock on the Italian male.  Their faces are virile, handsome and often chiseled, not matching the back-end at all. Give me strength. Rome and Florence have proven fruitless in our quest.  Perhaps Venezia has more to offer. One can only hope.
ciao ciao/lah
ps save for one misplaced female vagina on a plaster cast I saw yesterday, the female form is treated much more realistically by the painters and sculptors of the renaissance; and latter day Italian women's fashion is clearly designed to flatter and show off the female buttock for all to see and admire....
pps I will be writing to Russell Smith to see if he can help influence the designers of men's pants to correct this terrible blight on the Italian male and in doing so, save the planet

technology ain't always a gal's best friend

Sure sure it all seemed so simple -- skip the cellphone, get a netbook and use it for skype, email, facebook and blog -- a 4 in 1 all inclusive communications device -- complete with pictures uploaded direct from the digital camera.  So, a word of warning --netbooks require a grounded power converter - three prongs please!  Word of advice - take a teen -- turns out they DO know everything.  Still struggling with uploading the pics, sorry...stay tuned.

Enter handy dandy Italian native and friend Andrea who sourced a converter quick as a wink.  Everyone travelling in Italy should be so lucky as to have an Italian pal hand in the city they are visiting.

OK, some Roma highlights:
Monday/Tuesday
-OMG the taxi ride from the train station was electrifying and terrifying en meme temps -- cabbie managed a convo with his pal (another driver in another cab) for much of the trip while dodging vespas, trucks, buses and pedestrians by at least 5 centimetres
- neighbourhood piazza -- Navona -- home of the famous Bernini 4 rivers fountain -- Bernini is my god - oh,m and the church was beautiful when we finally went in
- gelato addiction -- started the first night - hasn't let up yet -- hankering one NOW - fruity or creamy hmmm
- Borghese grounds and museum -- where I (finally) learned what sculpture is all about -- thank you Mr Bernini (Ratto di Proserpina, and Apollo and Daphne), Canova (Pauline Bonaparte as Venus)
- Spanish Steps --not so much for the steps as for the local very high end shopping and, especially memorable the crazy lady dressed all in bianco shouting in italian at just about everyone

Wednesday
- Coliseum (get the audio phone) - Constantine's arch -- all you Catholics can thank/curse him for making Christianity legal -- he brought the Church above ground -- year? 1313
- hey , despite the movies, there is no guarantee that the gladiators hunted Christians ergo maybe no martyrs?
- awesome structure - held as many people as the ACC - wonder if Cher would sell out at the Coloseum?
- hiked through the Forum -  hmm, sad I cannot visualize how it once looked, cause it's mostly rubble now and i don't mean Barny -- BUT I did learn about Romulus and Remus and their fight for where the capital would be and why we visit Roma not Rema! (guess who won?)
- Campidoglio -- amazing piazza designed by our fave Italian artist Michelangelo - quite an awesome sight -- hope to post my mini movie of it soonish
- lunched next -- glass of Prosecco -how decadent -- hiked off to meet our pal Andrea to make a plan then finally headed back to our 'hood - Piazza Navona for some R&R before a not so great meal, a drink with Andrea and his pals then home to crash
- Oh, did I mention that the first time I went I was refused at the Vaticano??  turns out that while Piazza San Pietro was welcoming to the max, the guard at the Basilica cared not for my skirt and deemed it too short -- I felt shame (not) but was turned awa to come back another day  - actually glad I did - the basilica is fabulous and the Pieta spectacular
- hiked the forever trek round to and through the Vatican museum to see the Sistine Chapel -- us and about 5,000 other people -- not so much fun -- the ceiling looks pretty much just like the many many pictures we've all seen -- except WAY higher up -- you'll need a neck brace after looking up for so long - and the crowds are all assholes and the guards keep yelling 'Silensio' so all in all, the best part was the modern curved ramp in (a la the Guggenhem, NYC) and the art deco ish ramp out.  Sorry, it was too overwhelming - nobody should have to deal with 6 kilometers and 60 rooms of art to finally see the piece da resistance.

Speakingof burnout -- that's what I am now...Catch you up more later on Thursday and Friday
ciao ciao/les

Pearson, Schiphol, Fiumicino, Termini Roma, Taxi

So for day one it was truly planes, trains and automobiles! Schipol was very Dutch - upfront, clean, direct, huge open windows onto the planes taxiing to and fro - watched our Alitalia flight come to get us.  Loved the moving sidewalks to get us from terminal to terminal. Knobbish American guy whinging on and on on his phone about sailing. The character of Italia came out already in the flight attendants --so different from the crisp and efficient Dutch ladies, the two gorgeous male attendants swooped by to give us the mandatory drink and cookies singing 'salt or sweet' and gssiping to each other the whole time then we never saw them again.  Those guys had better things to do! Too funny.

Do our two experiences truly reflect the different cultures? We'll see. A wait for our bags rewarded us with the first offerings off the plane then we got our train tickets and headed to Termini Stazione a Roma. Boarding the traizn was like man on man combat! Wow it is tropical here.  It was hot, sultry with many palm trees and huge palmetto grasses.

Grabbed the treno alla Termini Stazione a Roma, then the taxi ride of our lives...again, gorgeous driver, chatting to his buddy (yes, another cabby in another car) whilst careening around vespas, pedestrians, cabs and buses to plunk us off at our corner.  Our street (Arco della Pace is foot traffic only) Google Earth us - we're at #2, second floor, street side.

After a feet-up we ventured out to dine at Satyricon - lured by the handsome Francesco to a perfect meal of salata misto, pasta, vino rosso e caffe.  Primed we hiked about the Piazza Navona soaking up the sights -- each window you peer into has more frescoes, porticosa nd vaulted ceilings than you 've ever seen before -- and all beautiful.  This is truly a gilt-edged city.

Bed by 10;30, wild thunder and rain storm in the night, but we were tucked in safe and sound.  Off to the circus that is Roma.  Ciao belli.  Alla prossisma!
Leslie

Countdown to take off - 7 hours 55 minutes

The tasks are all done; the wild last minute spending complete; the decisions about telephones made; the kidlet kissed goodbye; about to take Roxy for a last walk; wheeee.

Here's the checklist:

• buy new phone -- naw, bought a new Acer netbook instead; installed Skype; loaded up delicious with my preset favourites
• buy new camera -- check - Olympus FE-45 -- sweet
• photocopy passport -- check
• leave contact infor family -- check
• call friends to gloat -- check
• repack and try to lighten the load -- in progress
• practice uploading photos to blog -- check
• register netbook with Acer -- check
• add weather forecasts of Italian cities to homepage -- check
• add translation site to favourites -- to be done!
• eat all sorts of crappy canuck food - burgers, pizza, pop -- check
• buy visor for sun protection -- check

Oooo-eeee - am exhausted - I truly need this vacation. Wonder what movies will be playing on the plane? I can probably look this up online, but probably won't.
later...

Back to blog

Back at it after getting all those things done that I needed to.  Have spent a whackload spoilingmyself silly with electronics to go! Such as a new Acer Netbook in lieu of a new phone -- now can email, facebook, blog and skype -- no three year contract required. And a new Olympus FE-45 camera with mini memory card plus adapter - 8G memory card the size of  fingernail.  Ahh ain't technology grand.

In the final stages now...many thanks to Costco for the electronics (and ability to return items up to 90 days); to the lovely and talented Danica Leigh for the awesome tech support and free setup assistance, and to Jill (aka my first follower) for helping figure out the blog photos 'how to'.  Gotta run and photocopy my passport apparently.

Stay tuned...

Will it all get done before I leave?

Clearly I'm stressed - so many things to nail before I leave on my happy little holiday. Attentive and clever readers will notice that my last post was a bit, well, vague. Oh, okay it was blank. I pushed the wrong button when I was tired. It happens.

But, now I will regale you with the list of stuff to do before I leave: buy cell phone and cell plan and/or new notebook to take instead; or decide to just get European prepaid on my existing phone (if it even works); figure out how to upload pics onto this blog; decide if I'm buying and taking a smaller camera; determine which museums to go to in Rome and prepurchase tickets online so we don't wait in line needlessly; re-pre-pack in the smaller suitcase and see if it fits.  If not then rethink wardrobe.  Ahh is it all worth it?  You betcha. And, why am I stressed? K's list is apparently 5 pages long!!

Alla prossima mi'amici.

roxysmomma